Quotes from Joel

(on getting tattoos) Yeah, and your teeth are clenched together, and you are like, "It's cool, man. I'm fine."

I love all women!

Ohhh, the scalp massage. It's good, it's a good five minutes on the crown area. It's great.

I got kicked out of class so much and it wasn't fair because I was just talking. In class, if there was a pretty girl, I would just try to talk [to her] all the time. I like to talk, especially to girls. And I got kicked out of class all the time. The teacher would be like "All right, stop," and I'd be like "okay", and keep talking. Then I'd try to impress her and it wouldn't really work. I'd get kicked out for trying to be funny, like they'd call me up to read and I'd read the wrong thing. I didn't take high school very seriously.

Benji's the evil twin.

One time I wanted to ask this girl to a dance, it was homecoming or something. I was too nervous because I get a little shy sometimes. Benj is definitely outspoken and I was like "Call her and say you're me", cause we sound alike. He called and asked her to the dance for me. She said no [laughs].

If I were in that pit, I'd be making out with every one of you.

This is a really intimate gathering... (pause, something flies up on stage) ...So intimate, in fact, that someone just threw their bra up on stage!

(on Seasons) So I wanna see all of you making out during this song.

Girl: Dude, your brother's an ass.
Joel: Hey, if you're going to diss my brother then I'm out of here... (he leaves)

I gotta go brush my teeth!

We got Paul over here supportin' the Ravens. And we got Billy over here rockin' "Nightmare Before Christmas."

I would have sex with Britney and make out with Christina, 'cause you know she's gonna have drama the next day.

That's because there is no beer or ladies waiting!

A girl bit me once, she walked up and bit me. And for the record, I hated it. And one girl licked me.

Benji has definitely been called a freak. I mean, I've been called a freak too, but he's definitely more freakier than I am.

People think that I am a really outgoing person because of how I am on stage, but I'm not. I'm really shy.

I would never sign to a label called Death Row.

(on Avril Lavigne's song) That's "sk8er" with an "8" and "boi" with an "I". Like, totally!

Lucky for me I had Benji. We've always been sidekicks.

I hated high school. I think only one percent of kids actually do like it. Most kids find the teenage experience a pretty horrible thing to go through. It's just awkward and weird most of the time.

You can only start a boy band if you kill one of the other ones already out there.

This song is for the girls in [insert town here], because they mess with your head.

Good Charlotte is anger management teen angst.

(on "The Motivation Proclamation") This one's for all you emo and skater kids, we know you're sensitive.

My last name is sex. S-E-X.

It's ourself and it's titled by us.

(to Benji) We've been together since the womb. We met in the womb.

Let me put on my leather pants and open my shirt.

Hold your head up, it'll get better.

He put Bengay on my nuts!

I got all the heys.

I played baseball, I was actually pretty good, the coach didn't think so, but I was.

Music is supposed to be an escape. It's supposed to be somewhere you go, where you can be yourself, or be whatever you want to be.

We love you all...

Yes, I am pimpin' this coat, thank you very much...

Joel: This song is about quitting school, quitting work, quitting everything and starting a band. A punk rock band, a ska band, any kind of band. But what do you gotta do if you wanna start a boy band?
Crowd: You gotta kill one of the ones already out there!
Joel: That's right, because you gotta get in the rotation.

I was in Menudo.

(when asked how touring has changed their lives, soundbreak.com) I think you could say that we know more about the world, and we are now experts on the care and feeding of stinky, smelly socks.

Look what you did, you just made me say badass Buffalo five times.

It was the same thing, we stood in a room and picked! "We want that guy!"

(singing "Seasons") Walking all along the... grass, ya told me... ah, y'all, I forgot the words...

(hiponline) Anywhere on your leg is near the bone and that shit hurts.

Yeah, I hurt my finger, does anyone have a Band-Aid?

Instead of going out and shooting people, why don't you go start a band?

Canadian Radio DJ: Do you know who the prime minister of Canada is?
Joel: Boris Yeltsin!

I'm kinda disappointed that Canada isn't like the South Park movie said it was.

Some girl asks Joel: Where are you playing tomorrow?
Another girl: Birch Hill (She yells it really loud and fast.)
Joel: Damn girl.

We're definitely not jaded. We never really considered ourselves serious musicians who are changing music. We're just kids who wanted to be in a band.

You were the one who gave me those boxers? I wondered where they came from, I wear those! Although I'm not a big fan of flannel, it gets a little hot down there, if you know what I mean...

Okay, now who stole my wallet?

Damn girl, you don't have to pinch so hard, turn around, now it's your turn!

I don't want to see anyone leaving single tonight. I want everyone to leave impregnated.

It's got to be hard to be a punk in Colorado. There's no air.

Biotch... It's G to tha mutha fuckin C!

(on Billy) He's like a little brother to us all.We like to pick on him, all of us, you know, like brothers do.

(on going to festivals) Never go with your boyfriend or girlfriend, because there are all kinds of people there. There are girls and they're all wearing bikinis...

(what to bring) A hidden tape recorder so you can tape the bands and download it on the internet.

(on the mosh pit) Don't grope girls, 'cause that's just disrespectful. There are no rules, but if you disrespect the ladies you're jacked... If it's muddy, your clothes start to get sticky, and you can take 'em off... Every once in a while there will be that girl with the armpit hair. Its like "Damn, girl! Shave that!"

(at Wet Seal) These are nice socks.

Those people who shun us just because of the label we're on, or the fact that we've got a video out there that's getting us somewhere, are only limiting themselves, because they aren't keeping an open mind. Besides, no band has ever given us shit for our career path. It's mostly just jaded punkers. And if that's the way they're gonna be, I'd rather have someone who doesn't know a thing about punk coming to our shows, 'cause they're the ones who like it for what it is, not for what it isn't.

(summing up life to a bumper sticker) I'm lost.

(on what barbie he would be) Bloody Barbie.

(on his talents) I'm just in the band.

[During] the first song we looked at each other and we were like, "this is what we're doing". From then on we just wanted to rock.

Benji usually tries to match his hair with his underwear, and you know how he had the pink hair for a while? Well, we caught him in a pink thong one day!

(on his biggest influence) When I heard Nirvana, it changed my life.

My mom is Christian, and she wouldn't let us listen to rock music. So me and my brother, we had this tape player with head phones, and we locked ouselves in the pantry. We were fighting over the headphones, sitting in the dark pantry listening to Metallica.

(to Pierre Bouvier, lead singer of Simple Plan) You guys have been in the studio too long. I remember when we were making our first record, I'd be like "If you do that one more time, I'll, uh, lick your balls!" Yeah. It's only gay if you swallow!

(on dirtbikes, also known as motorcycles) These guys ride motorcycles. Do you think I'm stupid for calling them motorcycles?

This band is kinda like a marriage. Me and Benj especially.

They think I'm funny, ma.

(to Benji) You need a life, bro.

I think that our goal in Good Charlotte is just to be Good Charlotte, and whatever happens, whatever that means, we don't even know, we just push on and tour and make music and do whatever.

We're all music fans and we just love being in a band, and that's why we do it.

(on Benji) I'd do anything for him.

(to Benji) In 10th grade, I kissed your girlfriend. But don't worry, I didn't like it. She used too much tongue.

I think Benj is a little bit more outgoing and in your face. I'm a little bit more reserved and quiet and conservative in some ways. Benj is wild, you never know what to expect out of him. He's out of control sometimes, and that's the way he is and I love him for it. I wouldn't change one thing about him. We're just like Yin and Yang, me and him, like night and day sometimes. He's really outspoken and he says what he thinks right away. He's got strong opinions and he's very hard core about being, um... he's not straight-edged, like, he doesn't call himself straight-edged, but he is just very extreme. Whatever he does is extreme and I'm not quite as much like that.

I think the terrorists are just idiots.

I think we're a hair band now.

(on Benji) You can call him Benjamin, that's what Mama calls him.

It's very cliched to go, You're not punk". We don't care if we are, and we don't care if we aren't.

I've flown across America, I've scaled fences, I've stood under windows and gone out of my way hundreds of times. I'm a hopeless romantic. There's no hope for me.

See that? (blows air) Cold.

Alright, stop this now. Gonna get, gonna get all tear, teary-eyed.

It's like a real party because they're all our friends. Let's see. Tony from Mest. (Tony smacks Joel on the face.) Ow! That was Tony from Mest, and I'm gonna go kick his ass right now!" (He starts after him and there are some beeps.)

I put on pretty good sock puppet shows and I can mime.

Plaques are cool.

Don't bite, ya know, don't bite!

A fan grabbed me and bit me on the back of my neck, bit me like blood, ya know?

If I could pick my wife by name, it'd be Whitney. That name just sounds right.

(on stage, to fans in the crowd) This song is about you and you and you!!!!! Hey you! Don't look at me like that!

Interviewer: What is your favorite girl name?
Joel: I think it would have to be Abby.

(on IMX) Beotch, act like you know!

(while performing "The Anthem") Look mom, I'm on TV.

(while having a spitting competition off the side of a building after drinking frappuccino) Hey! Look! My spit's frappuccino colored!!

(on being asked about a prank involving wearing scary masks and terrorising shoppers at a mall) I don't know who told you that, but I swear it only happened the one time. Plus, we do way crazier stuff than that!

We're the nicest guys in the world.

My mom always said that there would be haters. Not everyone can love ya.

Having a little sister is cool, but what the worst part is having one.

The best thing is being really close. The worst thing is being really close.

We just want kids to come to our concert and forget about everything.

Benj, rock your body.

Go back to the circus....FREAK!

I look for color, style, size, texture... thickness. The breatheability of a shirt.

I want to see everybody square dancin'.

(on GC haters) Go drink your hateorade kids!

(on the video for "Festival Song") I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

Elijah Wood from "Lord Of The Rings" can't get married with a girl named Holly because it would make Holly Wood. Get it? HOLLYWOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like cheese.

I didn't get lessons of any kind. I slept through school.

(looking around and nodding) I like this place.

I went to the doctor today, and I told them to stick the thermometer up my butt, just like my mom used to do.

I want to feel lucky every night when I go onstage, and not feel like, "Oh, great, here we go again".

My poo came out in 3 different colors this morning!

Okay, now who stole my wallet?

You know, this is a pretty good opportunity to make out with a security guard. They're not all assholes, they're actually pretty nice to me.

What the fuck are those clams?

(Fuse interview) No offence, guys, but none of us are really that cool.

I love the name Jessica, it reminds me of my ex who was hot.

I read Harry Potter.

Shit happens!!!

(on TRL) I think if we have one more argument about clothes, then we will have to split up.